Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I Felt a Funeral in my Brain

I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,
A service like a drum
Kept beating, beating, till I thought
My mind was going numb.

And then I heard them lift a box,
And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead,
Then space began to toll

As all the heavens were a bell,
And Being but an ear,
And I and silence some strange race,
Wrecked, solitary, here.

And then a plank in reason, broke,
And I dropped down and down--
And hit a world at every plunge,
And finished knowing--then--

Emily Dickenson


Ryan said...

I'm not sure I like the recent themes of your posts...

Albinoblackbear said...

I know...I realized my posts are a bit morbid seeming. It's more the impending sense of doom regarding the approaching exam, not my attitude toward life in general...

I am trying to channel it into something more positive.

Don't worry, no need to call the crisis line on my behalf ;)

In a week all of this will be over and I can resume my "now what do I do?" state of existence.

Bostonian in NY said...

I've always liked that poem.

My brain is more like one of those ee cummings poems that don't make sense and are all over the place in terms formatting.

Albinoblackbear said...

I wonder if sleep dep was a method ee used?


Benjamin said...

I know I haven't left comments in a while, but you seem like you need some cheeriness! Think positive! You're gonna do awesome on the MCAT! And if not... well, somebody has to make the lattes at Starbucks...

Rogue Medic said...

I can see it now, calling the suicide hotline and trying to help them figure out where you are as you travel hither and yon across Canada. I imagine a map with a bunch of dashed lines (maybe little mandolins, instead of dashed lines) indicating your path of travel, with dashed lines of different colors for all of the pursuers. Maybe Kevorkian would get in on it, too. You could have your own weekly TV series, even call it The Fugitive, and use the theme from M*A*S*H*.

I don't know if this will cheer you up or push you over the edge. :-)

Albinoblackbear said...

Hey Benjamin--nice to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement.


Today is the day I start thinking positive in earnest. And it's true---I saw a sign at *Bucks yesterday when I was getting latte #2--they have flexible work hours (perfect), a health plan (sweet), manager opportunities (I love being bossy), and will help with adoption (wtf??--like how? by saying you make a damn good latte and therefore would make a great parent?) yeah. The world is full of options.

Rogue--lol--I like the little mandolin idea for icons...but can it be the "Facts of Life" theme song instead of M*A*S*H??

Also, it would have to be a map of China---what makes you think I'm in Canada?? You've seen my Chinese IP address spamming you! :P