Saturday, August 23, 2008

"And There's a Fuc*#ng Ferrari"

I had my first ride in a Ferrari last night.

Which coincided with the first time I have ever felt cool getting out of a car or driving down a "strip". I feel very uncool and unhip 99.999% of the time, partially due to the fact that for the past year my pants almost always exhibit a drawstring waist, and my footwear--laces.

Yeah. Orthotics and sweat pants are really hot this season I hear.

I recently bought a new toyota matrix, which I love. It gets pretty good gas mileage, I can throw my bike/skis in the back no problem, and I can sleep quite comfortably in it with the seats down. These are all major bonus points which I appreciate on a regular basis...

But I can tell you it does not cause anyones jaw to drop, nor does it cause random strangers to hang out of their vehicles to compliment you on your 'ride'. People don't rev their engines when they are stopped next to me at a light. No. The matrix can do a lot of things, but it doesn't do any of those.

Riding in my friend Kate's 355 Ferrari last night (in pants with a zipper and shoes with heels) I saw what happens when you are sitting in a car that gives some men wet dreams. It was pretty hilarious. I may have to post some pictures...

The quote of the night goes to a 20-something guy who was sitting on a park bench near a set of lights that we were parked at. He was deep into some story of woe, it looked like he was listing off several things that had gone wrong for him that day, or month, or whatever...his friend was nodding sympathetically. When the guy looked up and saw the car he then added to the list as he threw up his hands,

"And there's a fucking ferrari..."

Oh yeah baby.

But like all things good and bad, it had to end. I woke up this morning to find my guise of coolness has once again vanished and I am back to being just a girl in sweatpants driving a matrix.


Bostonian in NY said...

Things you can buy with $200k:
A house
A medical education
A Ferarri

I'm driving my Ferrari right now...

Rogue Medic said...

If I wear pants with a lot of zippers and some high heels, it probably is somebody's wet dream. If they are rich enough to afford a Ferrari, they might be considered eccentric, but this combination of wet dreams and Ferraris is anything but cool.

OTOH, pretty soon Canada should be cooler than cool.

Wardrobe-wise and car-wise, what could be cooler than affordable functionality and comfort? Using those laces also provides for practice suturing.

Albinoblackbear said...

BINY--HAH! yeah. :)

Things you can get for free:

roomie with a Ferrari.

Rogue--I don't know what you look like so I can't comment on how good or bad you'd look in heels and pants with zippers. But when you're in a car like that, you look HOT no matter what. The funny part is, it's mostly (98%) men that gawk and stare and point when they see it, then they see there are two ladies in it and they get even more freaked out.

Most girls (myself included up until recently) wouldn't know a Ferrari if it came up, bought them a drink, and slapped them on the ass. So when a dude owns a car like that, he gets street cred with the guys but a lot of women are clueless until some guy says "hey--there is a Ferrari!".

In terms of

"Wardrobe-wise and car-wise, what could be cooler than affordable functionality and comfort?"

Hah! Yeah. If only life worked that way. Somehow society doesn't really promote flat chested girls driving hatchbacks in sweatpants as the epitome of desirable and cool. :)

Bostonian in NY said...

"Somehow society doesn't really promote flat chested girls driving hatchbacks in sweatpants as the epitome of desirable and cool."

Maybe if society promoted flat chested girls with hatchbacks the world would be a better least it would be less saggy and more fuel efficient 20 years from now. You have radically altered my ideas of what Canadian society is all about...damn you.

Rogue Medic said...

A hint about my appearance. It ain't pretty. Those interested in zippers and such, tend not to pay so much attention to those adorned as they pay to the adornments.

If you get continually larger implants, you might never become saggy. Someone will eventually put a slow growth bacterium in implants in order to have them expand at a rate to counter sagging. If you seek this route to a perkier life, you may have many problems with back pain from the structural imbalance and from climbing in and out of high priced sports cars. But you will be able to afford the most expensive homeopathic treatments.

There are plenty of leg men out there. We're not all boobs about boobs.

Albinoblackbear said...

BINY--Pray tell, what were your former ideas of Canadian society that I have shattered??? :P

And yes of course the world would be a better place!

Albinoblackbear said...

Rogue--I had a patient in her 80's come in with cp one time and as I lifted up her gown to do the EKG I couldn't help but notice her large, smooth, perky breasts rising up out of the wrinkles.

EEK! It was one of those "work hard to keep face neutral work hard to keep face neutral work hard to keep face neutral" moments.

It looked (IMHO)

a) creepy
b) gross
c) weird
d) comical

Certainly not was she was going for I am sure. Then her granddaughter and daughter walked in and realized the implants don't fall far from the tree.

"We're not all boobs about boobs."

Effing comedy that is. Golden.

Bostonian in NY said...

To be completely honest, my vaguely formed ideas of Canada fell somewhere between Strange Brew and Ferrari driving roomates in heels and tight jeans.

I just sort of pictured it as a place where everyone was accepted regardless of their cup size and choice of low-emission, outdoor-gear-ferrying vehicles.

Albinoblackbear said... is the land of milk and honey...the truth lies somewhere in the spectrum depicted by Strange Brew, South Park, and Sicko.

Even though fashion-wise we may look like a recovering eastern bloc country, the North American standard for "beauty" applies...


Rogue Medic said...

And you were trying to maintain a neutral expression, while your face was cycling among the different expressions listed. Your own Krebs cycle?

"The implants don't fall far from the tree." Doesn't everyone take advantage of the family plan. Did they have the family dog tarted up, too?