Operation Smile

I walked out of my final short case exam on Friday with a cryptic text from an unknown number simply stating "please call S____". Still buzzing with adrenaline and excitement at being done I dialed the number, worried that something was wrong, perhaps with someone I knew.

"Hello, this is ABB, I received a message to call."


"Yes, hello ABB, are you finished your exams?"

The slight worry ratcheted up one degree.

"Yes..."

"Oh good. Well I can congratulate you on that and something else as well...you've been selected as the recipient of the Operation Smile medical student fellowship!"

[Cue exhilaration and dress wearing suppression of cartwheels on sidewalk].

I think I then said the words delighted and thank you about 17 times. She added that the competition was stiff but they thought that I'd had some amazing life experiences and that the organization wanted to add to that list for me. Which I thought was such a lovely thing to say.

Of course I am honored (and surprised nearly beyond belief) that I was chosen. Being unable to take on international electives or sign up for volunteer work since starting medical school has been difficult, especially after getting a taste for it on my Himalayan expedition in 2008. I've been having to bide my time and just look forward to future opportunities much further down the line. But now, I won't be waiting long at all!

This is such a gift for me, and I am fully aware of the fact that it is the chance of a lifetime. According to their website they receive thousands of inquiries a year from medical students, for only about 20 available positions. I. Can't. Wait.

Still don't know when or where, but will be keeping the blog updated as things unfold. I still can't believe that third year ended on such a high note, especially after the last few months. And so, back to packing boxes. Smiling.

Image from http://www.operationsmile.org/

[Incidentally, you can donate to Operation Smile any time!]

Heaven and Hell

Survived third year!! A brief montage and summary of the past week. 

Monday was the long answer written exam (3h, 10 questions) and the extended matching exam (150 questions). I know some people run marathons without food, and most people write exams without food. I could not imagine either. When my blood sugar gets low (i.e. below 6) I get hangry and my brain function ceases. I was certainly not taking chances with finals. Photo below was taken with my sweaty pre-exam hands before we were strip searched for electronics.

 

After the incredulous feelings of did they really have an immunization schedule long answer question? along with seriously? gynecology emergencies? dissipated, Margaret and I noted that the sun was shining outside and we had two days of studying still ahead of us. 

So we took something beautiful (her parent's backyard)...and made it ugly.

 

We spent Tuesday and Thursday hammering for the clinical exams. 

 It has been so long since I've had to use sunscreen I thought I ought to take a photo. 

One of the really stressful things about the clinical exams is that they were a different format than the previous 2 years, where we had OSCE's. This year our long case was a patient with real pathology who we had 30 mins to examine and take a history from (the cases ranged from things like a post-op orthopedics case to diabetes). Then the examiners questioned us for 20 mins. 

My patient was a good historian and had a very straightforward presentation which I had prepared well for. I am usually rubbish at presenting (you have to be detail oriented and well-organized) but somehow the planets aligned and I actually did my best case presentation ever! What are the odds? 

There were no questions that stumped me and the absolute best part was after the examiners walked out I turned to the patient and she said to me I hope I am never in the hospital again, but if I am I really hope you are my doctor! I was completely bowled over and honored. 

The short cases went quite well too. They were all very barn-door spot diagnoses and exams. Though I did manage to stutter out some random statements and completely forget basic things (which I would never forget in an actual hospital, i.e taking a blood pressure from a patient in atrial fibrillation). Yeesh. The highlight was one of my surgical case patients yelling to the examiners as they left the room GIVE HER AN A.  

Awesome and awkward. 

So there you have it. Third year, done and dusted. I also just received some rather big news. But that deserves its own post. Heh. A little suspense to keep all of you coming back. In the meantime, it is sleep time. Sweet, sweet sleep.

One...Week...Left...ughhhhh

Cottage Love

I have been commanded by my friend Ryan to update the blog (so he can get Guns and Roses out of his head). I figure I need to make the few people that still check in on me happy, so here's a quick post!

I am in the final stretch of 3rd year. I spent the last 4 days holed up in a classmate's cottage, attempting to cut myself off from the world and bury myself in the books. Amazing how much more productive I am when the only internet I have access to is an intermittent flickering of 3G on my burner when the planets align.

I had planned to go just for the night but the fireplace and views were too lovely to tear myself away from. So I burned home, picked up the rest of my books (oh, Toronto Notes, you monkey on my back...you) some tinned mackerel, instant coffee, and returned.

A week from today final exams will all be behind me. And two weeks from today I'll be on a plane back to Canada. I am mentally composing my ode to the Irish countryside already. Some questions that will remain...Year three, where did you go?? Did I squeeze every last drop out of my year on the wild west coast?

Welcome To the Jungle - 2012

Things are starting to pick up momentum here on the wild west coast of Ireland. Exams are exactly two short weeks away (eep, why I am I still typing this blog post instead of memorizing differentials for fatigue??)

A brief look at life for the next few months:

May
-exams
-pack up house
-move things / car into storage
-fly home

June
-start pediatric emergency elective in Alberta (4 weeks)

July
-have a week 'off' (see below for what will actually be happening during 'off' days)
-start gastroenterology elective in Nova Scotia
-start CaRMS application process (Canadian post-graduate application)
-have 10 days holiday to study for MCCEE (Canadian board exam)
-fly back to Ireland, find place to live / move in / start psyche rotation

August
-study for boards while doing psyche rotation while working on CaRMS

September
**Canadian Board Exam**

October
-CaRMS and obs/gyne rotation

November
-Submit CaRMS
-collapse from exhaustion

December
-hit 'refresh' on email inbox until residency programs start emailing
-possibly decide that I'll stay across the Atlantic for post-graduate training

Just typing all of that gave me a facial tic. I may have to start playing this song everyday when I get out of bed.


 

Permission to Take Blood

A sprightly 72 year old came into the office for a prescription refill and blood pressure check. His tie was tightly knotted, thick hair combed into place, and shoes well polished.

We asked him once more if we could take blood to screen him for the routine things; high cholesterol, diabetes, prostate antigen. Once more he said, no doctor, I don't want to know if something is a brewin'. Not interested. 

Joe pressed him a little, sure come on now, are you sure you wont let us?

To which his eyes shone a little brighter and he answered, listen Joe...if I walk out into the street and collapse in front of the surgery, tell ya what, I give you permission to take as much blood as you want.

Fair enough! 

Happiness Is...

An outstanding sunset on a quiet beach.

A flatmate who can easily be persuaded to throw down the study books and head to said beach. 

The ability to land a one-armed cartwheel despite my advancing age.

The postman arriving this morning with my handbag and all its precious (to me!) contents, including cash, electronics, documents, cards, etc.

The last few days, a little better than the preceding weeks, to be sure.

Turning Tide, Perhaps?

The great thing about mothers is that they will receive multiple tearful phone calls with patience and sympathy. They'll put money in your account when your handbag disappears, and they'll tell you when they fear your blog is becoming a downer.

Well, downer no more, I say!

Yes, I have been feeling like a bit of a teenager lately.  Finding myself with nostalgic music cranked on my headphones, staring at the ceiling wondering what is this all about, anyway??

But finals are approaching, leaving no time for an existential crisis or complete mental breakdown. So I've been going to clinic, and attempting to memorize the steps for treating hypertension or the different types of oral contraceptive pills. I train, I cook, I (once again) do laundry, I work at replacing all the things lost in the great purse debacle of 2012, and I watch Parks and Recreation reruns. I take it one day at a time.

And then a little stroke of luck appears.

I called the airport lost and found today and they said they had my handbag with all the contents inside it!

Yes, despite having all of my contact information they didn't try to reach me. But lo, when I called again this morning they were all nonchalant with their oh sure it's here we'll send it to you in the post.

So we'll see if the post pulls through. Fingers crossed.

Thanks so much to allof you who commented and wrote. To Liz who offered up her husband's Shoppers Drug Mart to replace the make-up and Justin for offering to send me some Japanese pens. Y'all are too sweet. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

One of the docs at the clinic told me today that I am due for a stroke of luck now, maybe this is just the beginning?

x

ABB

P.S I get to keep my new itouch, right?? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Sadly Argos doesn't take returns on electronics! See, every cloud does have a silver ilining.

Then that happened.

I started writing this upbeat little post about my trip to London this weekend.

Then I lost my purse in the Stanstead airport on my way home.

Contents included:
-wallet (Canadian drivers license, visa, bank card, immigration card, rent money, school ID card)
-book (which I was enjoying immensely and had to order off Amazon)
-ipod (gift from AMG circa 2006)
-pens (you know, the really nice ones I order from Japan!!)
-ipod shuffle + ear buds
-car keys / house keys
-makeup (!!!!)
-birth certificate
-social insurance card
-the purse which was my birthday present to self last year (I never find purses that I both like and can afford)
-the actual wallet (which was a beautiful souvenir of a girlie weekend in Vermont)

On paper it is all easily replaceable, but when you live in one country and bank / drive / file taxes in another things get a little complicated. Also, losing a few hundred euro is never pleasant, on top of not being able to afford to replace the things that were lost.

I didn't have a meltdown (does that mean I am becoming more zen or that I am dead inside??) April, you have been a shit month. I am expecting things to look up soon (yes I am looking at you, May). Oh wait, finals and moving again are in May. OK, fair enough. June then. JUNE!! WORK WITH ME!

Now I am waiting for my housemate to get off work so he can rescue me (yes, my car is here but my keys, ticket, and method of car park payment are not).

The funny thing is, despite all the headaches that the lost cards are going to cause, the thing I am most annoyed by right now is that I cannot read my book!!! It's so good!!! It's not on kindle!!!!*

I hope whomever it was that decided to lift my purse from the security line is an avid reader who likes money and MAC makeup. You're welcome.

*I have already re-ordered the book on Amazon but had to get it used and it's going to take 10-14 days! [shakes fist at sky]

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

OK so Absentbabinski and I were sorting out the universe the other day and I mentioned that this is one of my favorite poems and that I want to memorize it.  I first heard it as a very messed up 15 year old in my English 10 class. I love how over the years it has come to mean different things to me as I grow and face different triumphs and disasters.

It is a good guide for someone working in health care, I think. I've already had many experiences with having to keep my head in the emergency department when all about me people were losing theirs. That is something I've been constantly trying to improve since my first months as a very nervous and inexperienced nurse. In fact, that exact line has sung through my head more than once as I felt my adrenaline coursing at work.

But now, when I think about starting medical school, it feels a little like I heaped all my winnings and lost...and here I am building this part of my life from the beginning. And yes, I probably muse too much on the things I gave up and not enough on all the gifts I've received as a result of this privilege. Though I can say that these past couple weeks it has not felt much like a privilege. 

But as I re-read this poem last night I thought about the lines,

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,

and I felt a little panicky. My dreams have been my master ever since the day I walked into my first organic chemistry class 5 years ago when I started this crazy journey towards medical school. It is drilled into us that we should sacrifice everything for our dreams, reach for the stars, push to the finish...but Mr. Kipling has a different take on the matter. My dreams had to be my master to get here and my current relationship fading has largely been because of the strain placed on it by medical school and the uncertainties of post-graduate training. So maybe it is maladaptive, selfish, even weak to turn everything out at the demands of a single goal. 

I don't know. It's been a really hard month. I am going though a major upheaval and naturally I am thinking about all the choices that have led me here and questioning some decisions that have caused me so much heartache.  

Right now I am just clinging to the Will that says..."Hold on!" 

Yours in constant rumination, 

ABB

Getting on Their Level

Today we were in ortho clinic and Dr. Boots was consulting a middle aged man with chronic shoulder pain.

We took his history (frequent disclocations and subluxations, as well as limited range of motion) and then asked him what he did for a living. He was a computer guy, an I.T manager.

Doc Boots explained the problem with his rotator cuff muscles, his glenoid labrum, what surgery he might need, risks, etc. The patient looked slightly overwhelmed and confused. Boots paused...


What I am trying to say is...your shoulder is running Windows 97 my friend. It needs a serious overhaul. 


The patient informed us he was an 'apple man' to which Boots replied, exactly.