Sunday, March 29, 2009

I am Kind of a Big Deal You Know

So Jerry and I were discussing 'ego' last week. It seems to be a theme with our sushi meals of late. We tend to talk about it because he's Mr. Eastern Philosophy Guy and I quite enjoy getting a dose of the 'its not always about you' talk q weekly.

During dinner he told me about a dear elderly friend of his who had died years ago that had made the observation to him that just about every conversation can be distilled down to the speaker saying (cloaked in anecdotes, humor, facts, etc.):

"I am kinda a big deal you know"

The listeners replying in equally cloaked social niceties various responses ranging from:

"Yeah you are kinda a big deal, but I am a big deal too--this is why"

"Well, you are not really that big of a deal, but I know this guy--HE'S a big deal--this is why"

"I am a big deal, you are a big deal, that is why we get along so well"

"You were a big deal that one time, remember that time when I was a SUPER big deal?"

and so on.

Of course the hospital abounds with places to take part in/eavesdrop on conversations that will show this to be true time and time again. I was stifling a giggle last night as I heard it play out over and over again in comments such as

"Remember that time I told MD so-and-so that I wasn't a nurse to be messed with and he couldn't talk to me that way..."

"So then I was the one that picked up in NSTEMI when everyone else missed it..."

"Oh my computer wallpaper? Yeah, that is my new (insert car, motorbike, horse, boyfriend)..."

"Well, you know I worked (insert ICU/CCU/ER at Huge Tertiary Hospital) for years where we did countless (insert impressive procedure here)'s."

Honestly. It is true. And I know I am not immune. I catch (or don't catch) myself mid-sentence falling into the "I am kinda a big deal" statements all the time now and it makes me cringe.

Is that all the majority of our discussions are about? Posturing? Ego primping? Ego pimping?

I know this is no new sociological discovery but still I have been finding it a fascinating exercise to be mindful of this pervasive theme and attempt to steer from it. The worst is it permeates every corner of our existence from the "I'm a big deal car" to "I'm a big deal handbag" to "I'm a big deal skis" to "I'm a big deal bookshelves" to "I'm a big deal snow pants".

Ack. Who am I kidding. Even my blogs are just one giant "I am kinda a big deal" exercise in internet pontification.

I hate that this is true and I loathe that I've been a sucker to it for so long. So now the question is how does one reprogram oneself? Or how long does it take to not notice again and keep playing along?


Flighterdoc said...

Why reprogram yourself?

If you don't blow your own horn, nobody else will either.

Keet said...

E-Rock, you ARE kinda a big deal. So am I, and so are all the people whose lives we share. Its by sharing how much or how little of a big deal you are and have been that people get to know you, and love you, and those vital connections that are shown to lead to long healthy lives are formed. Yes, maybe we've been known to blow our own horns a bit more than necessary, (among other things ;-), but it doesn't change how awesome it has been to learn about each other. I know you're a big deal, and I love hearing about it. XO.

Rogue Medic said...

Don't be silly. My sarcasm is purely meant to encourage self empowerment in others. My sarcasm is just an expression of my humility. :-)

Wounded Healer said...

Bostonian in NY said...

You just have to make everyone realize that you're a big deal without saying anything...especially in the hospital!

unless it's in a semi-anonymous blog-arific fashion...

Albinoblackbear said...

FD--True, but why do we feel the need to constantly blow our own horns instead of just feeling secure about our awesome-ness? :p

Keet--Ok, I see that telling people about your adventures and successes gives them insight into how much of a big deal you are, and thus can illustrate to other 'big deals' you're on par.

You're effing hilarious. I know you're a big deal and getting bigger everyday. xox Come to TO next week!!!

WH--NICE!! Possibly THE ULTIMATE 'I'm a big deal' speech. Sigh. Anchorman. Oh Anchorman. My friend Mark and I spent about a year corresponding solely with Anchorman quotes. There is just something about opening your email Monday morning to "You took a shit in the refrigerator? And you ate an entire wheel of cheese? I am not even upset--I am kinda impressed!"

Rogue- Why do I believe your sarcasm has gotten you in to more trouble than I can imagine? :)

BINY-Yeah, but it'd be hard to do especially with all of the 'big deal' conversations going on around you at all times! When was the last time someone did something at the hospital that really impressed you without them talking about it for a week after?

I know that I fall into this category as well... :)

Rogue Medic said...

But it is so much more entertaining this way.

Trouble is a relative term. Is it worth it to silently observe stupidity, knowing that my silence only guarantees more of the same experience?

Maybe if I video taped the offending incidents and submitted them to a blog, without comment of course, others would provide more intelligent commentary. I lack that restraint. Mea culpa.