Have you ever fantasized about being interviewed? What clever pearls would fall from your lips, what savage witticisms would cause both your interviewer and the guy holding the boom to guffaw?

I'd like to think that insight and humor would flow effortlessly from me but more likely I would probably say "um" and "like" a lot, especially if the host was Elanor Wachatel* or James Lipton, two of the greatest interviewers of all time.

So, here in the cozy confines of my cluttered office I'll use the Inside the Actors Studio questions to conduct my own, private, self-aggrandized interview.

What is your favorite word?

I have a fetish for bacterial nomenclature and love saying things like "Campylobacter jejuni" "aeruginosa" and "Bordetella" but they are not easy to casually drop into everyday conversation.  I'll say my current favorite word is "somnolence" since it captures how I feel most days.

What is your least favorite word?

"Irregardless". Which is arguably not a word, so if I had to choose a real word: "ethicsapproval". Ok, also not a word. How about, "chinos"? I've never been able to figure out what it means, all I know is it has something to do with male clothing.

What turns you on?

My mother reads this blog so I'll keep it PG, literally. It's a tie between "aha!" moments and adrenaline.

What turns you off?

The bluegrass album of Beatles songs, "Beatle Country" by the Charles River Boys. Actually happened.

What sound do you love?

My current cure for insomnia from Sounds of Nature White Noise: Tibetan Chakra Meditation. Which sounds like a mighty thunderstorm with rain falling on a raging river. That soothes me to sleep? Yes, because it reminds me of when I was a young. My mom used to wrap me up in a blanket during thunderstorms, and take me out to our covered porch to watch the lightening and listen to the rain. Something that was supposed to be scary was morphed into feeling safe, warm, loved.

What sound do I hate?

The standard Nokia ring tone. GAWD I HATE THAT RING TONE!!!!! Partially because it was the ring tone of the on-call phone when I worked in Whistler (i.e the sound that would wake me up from a deep slumber and require me to trundle down to the ED) and partly because it went off (for ages!) during a recent Irish Chamber Orchestra's performance of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Seriously, you need to change it RIGHT NOW if that is your ring tone. Do you know what that ring tone says about you? It is ring code for, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE THE SETTINGS ON MY PHONE".

What is your favorite curse word? 

I must admit to a potty mouth since moving to Ireland. I know, I know, it is sooo low brow to cuss. I can't help myself; there are no screens on my windows and I am living on a line of credit--I should be allowed to drop an F-bomb when I want. One curse word that is growing on me these days is feck. Not quite 'f*ck' and better than 'dammit'.

What other profession other than yours would you like to attempt? 

Musician. I did attempt that, actually (my favorite song off our album). Or radio personality. Or writer. As long as I could be dazzling at it and not 'useless flaky hack' at it. You know the types, the ones that drink too much white wine at parties and corner you to discuss the esoteric novel they are working on.

What profession would you not like to do?

Anything to do with banks, money, life insurance, taxes, numbers, computers.

If heaven exists what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? 

Well done, here's your Champagne, your family and friends have been waiting for you. 


Welcome to Asystole.

*I actually sent Elanor Wachtel's producer some fan mail once and got a personal reply from Ms. Wachtel herself! My one brush with 'obscure CBC interviewer' fame.  Oh and there was that time I sat next to Rick Mercer in the pre-boarding lounge at Yellowknife airport. Hang on...AND...being told by Kent Hoffman (the producer of White Coat Black Art) that he reads my blog regularly! How many cool points do I get for that?? Um...Lots. 

"Health care gets me...right here."