Monday, June 30, 2008

Hate Mail

So I just got my first official rejection letter from XYZ School of Medicine in Warm Tropical Climate.

I guess my application just isn't good enough which makes sense I suppose. I mean, really...what made me think I had a chance?

I only graduated from BSc with distinction. Had "A" average in pre reqs. Have worked in health care for 4 years and traveled to the most remote regions of the country to deliver primary care to under-serviced populations. I only have certifications in ACLS, BTLS, TNCC, NRP, CPR-C, and Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner. Being on call as the only health provider in places where the nearest doctor/hospital was 4h away by plane has obviously given me no insight into the rigors of medical responsibility. What do I know about medicine? Clearly nothing.

Maybe it is because I am not well rounded enough. Like maybe if I spoke 4 languages instead of only 3. And played 4 instruments instead of only 3. Maybe if I hadn't had a career as a music teacher and in a successful band as a lead vocalist I could have put just a little more time into volunteer work because I only volunteered with the homeless youth project for a year and for the Red Cross Emergency Disaster team for 3 years, and in an elephant sanctuary in Malaysia, oh and at that hospital in India. Maybe if I had been more athletic...like been involved in more sports than just volleyball, basketball, rugby, running, rock climbing, skiing, kayaking, hiking, and cross country mountain biking...damn it! I knew I should have taken up lacrosse and water polo!

I suppose it is my small mindedness and inability to venture into unknown territories because I have been outside this small town so few times. I mean hasn't everyone been to Thailand, India, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Malaysia, New Zealand, Australia, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Africa?

It is such shit feeling to open that letter in the post office. The nice, well air conditioned post office. The letter was just sitting there so innocuously. It didn't look like the menacing message it held. After opening it I had to go and pick up a parcel (a book about first responders and PTSD incidentally) and was in a full rejection daze. The frustration of all the time and money and blood and sweat and tears for this. This letter printed on nice heavy paper. Paper my 75$ application fee helped pay for.

I know, I know. Rejection is a part of the process. But frankly, this really isn't a good time. It's a million degrees outside and my arms are sticking to my MCAT notes as I try and make them, my relationship has been through a meat grinder over the past 10 months, and my financial ruin may come if I don't somehow win the lottery or stop studying for the MCAT and get back to work soon. So with each passing day the WHY AM I DOING THIS voice gets louder and more insistent.

Okay. Rant done. I had to vent somewhere. And if not on my blog chronicling my path to med school then where?

Stupid. Stupid. Med. School. I hate you almost as much as I hate shin splints.

Maybe I didn't get in because of my sense of entitlement.

hmmm.....

10 comments:

Benjamin said...

Chin up... nobody gets in everywhere. Just make sure you convince the next admissions committee you have an old decrepit, ailing, relative whose just itching to donate a new wing to XYZ medical school. I've got some great ideas for interviews, so you have to make it at least that far. You can say things like, "This is going much better than my parole hearing."

Albinoblackbear said...

LOL---parole hearing is a nice touch. Maybe I'll make a disclaimer at the beginning of the interview that at times my meds cause me to eye and tongue roll and that this is in no way my way of subverting the interview process...

Benjamin said...

Well the alternative is to tell them you recently converted to a small, rare fundamentalist religion. Bring some road flares for effect. Then start evaluating them on the interview and tell them it's not going very well for them... =)

Albinoblackbear said...

Oh snap! I like that idea even better...ahh, humor tastes so much better than bitterness. I needed a good laugh today.
There may be a new post in the making...something to the effect of "how I will definitely NOT get into med school should I actually get an interview".
What about dressing up as a nihilist and bringing a lemming with me to the interview?
Hmm...I wonder if "Discount Jim's Skool of Med'cin" is still accepting applications...

Mother Jones RN said...

I would have let you into med school. I am standing in front of my computer and mooning the med school people in your honor.

MJ

Bostonian in NY said...

"nice marmot..."

Wait. It's barely July...how the hell are they sending out rejections already??? The first rejection is the hardest...it gets easier once you have an interview or 7 under your belt. Don't let the early setbacks break your optimism.

If you end up heading over here to NY for any interviews, let me know...I may have some sage words about a certain school that I'm currently attending.

Albinoblackbear said...

Hey thanks for the kind words MJ! I am honored that you would drop trow in my name :)

BINY--oh marmot, of course! *slaps head* IDIOT!

That is why I can't get into MD school, I don't know the difference between a lemming and a marmot! lol

"Wait. It's barely July...how the hell are they sending out rejections already???" well because I applied for January intake (which they do at XYZ) and my application was on hold until my spring '08 transcripts arrived...

Which is partly why I was so devastated...my spring marks were great so I was practically packing my kite and snorkel.

Well, I am a "things happen for a reason" type gal so...

Sage words always welcome!

Rogue Medic said...

Rugby? Maybe you intimidated them.

Remember, you get places in life by making those in a position to help you, look good. You probably scare them.

I've never been big on the things happen for a reason, unless you want to go with "because they don't know a good thing when they see one," as a reason. Randomness, that's my reason. :-)

And reading posts in reverse order, at least today.

Albinoblackbear said...

"Remember, you get places in life by making those in a position to help you, look good. You probably scare them."

It is a good point, but I am sure the only thing that scared XYZ about me was the fact that I may need dentures and a CABG while I am still on the schools health plan...

Or that I may be up for retirement before I finish my residency...

;)

Beach Bum said...

As they say in West Africa, "Sorry Yah!"

The of the admission process can be absolutely dumbfounding sometimes. One sometimes wonders who one should be sleeping with in order to even get an interview.

One thing to remember is that because the Carib schools have rotating admissions, they will sometimes turn candidates away because their class is full, not because they are unworthy. Small comfort, though, since the Jan class is usually less full than other ones.

Which one was it? One of the big three?

Anyway, good luck on the MCAT! Remember, it's less of a test of basic science knowledge and language skills, and more about how your process basic science knowledge and language skills under pressure. It's all about thinking on your feet!