Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One Year

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my dear friend Jody's death.

Having a close friend die at a young age certainly has caused me to reflect on the delayed-gratification path I find myself on. I try and think of the moments that are making me happy now instead of the constant stare fixed on the horizon.

Nursing degree. Pre requisites. MCAT. Admissions. Medical school. Residency. Fellowship.

I can't help but feel that constantly having long term goals seems to trivialize the present, because the present is always a stepping stone. I know that it is important to keep moving forward but how does one do that while also cherishing the moment?

I do wonder sometimes what 'life' I am carving out here in Ireland. No car, no money, no job. I am tethered to campus and my books all the time. Slightly out of sync with most of my classmates who are much younger with very little 'real world' experience and no idea of what medicine is actually about.

I used to travel, and write, and play music, and work, and ride, and ski and now what? What void in my life did I think that becoming a doctor was going to fill? What unsettled part of my spirit thought medicine was the answer?

What happens if I die of cancer-of-the-everything like Jody at age 40? Will I look back on this decade of sacrifice, work, poverty, and all-encompassing career development and be happy with my choices?

I damn well better be.

3 comments:

Old MD Girl said...

Learn from MY former work colleague who lost her mother to breast cancer in her teens, had ovarian cancer in her 20s, and then went to med school anyway. She died sometime during her 3rd or 4th year when her cancer came back.

Going to med school, doing what you've dreamed about doing, IS living your life in the present. Sometimes it's easy to forget that because med school is hard, but very little that's worth doing is easy.

And anyway, it all going to be over in a flash. Look at you, you're already almost done with first year. This time next year you'll be about to enter your rotations. Seriously. It goes by fast.

Do you guys get a summer vacation?

Albinoblackbear said...

OMDG--Thank you. Point well made.

Sometimes it is easy to forget that I *am* living the dream I've been working towards for so long, because there is still so much ahead to struggle through. :)

We get a summer vacation this year but that is it. I'll be working all summer in Canada as a nurse and on my days off shadowing as a med student. Going to be a busy busy time. You're right, it'll fly by.

Keet said...

Chin up ABB!
living the dream is rarely easy.
And think of the fun you'll have this summer!
Summer in Canada is the best thing ever.
Closely followed by winter in Australia.
And when you're done med school you can have whatever climate whatever time of year you like.
:P
<3 K.