Today is the 1 year anniversary of my dear friend Jody's death.
Having a close friend die at a young age certainly has caused me to reflect on the delayed-gratification path I find myself on. I try and think of the moments that are making me happy now instead of the constant stare fixed on the horizon.
Nursing degree. Pre requisites. MCAT. Admissions. Medical school. Residency. Fellowship.
I can't help but feel that constantly having long term goals seems to trivialize the present, because the present is always a stepping stone. I know that it is important to keep moving forward but how does one do that while also cherishing the moment?
I do wonder sometimes what 'life' I am carving out here in Ireland. No car, no money, no job. I am tethered to campus and my books all the time. Slightly out of sync with most of my classmates who are much younger with very little 'real world' experience and no idea of what medicine is actually about.
I used to travel, and write, and play music, and work, and ride, and ski and now what? What void in my life did I think that becoming a doctor was going to fill? What unsettled part of my spirit thought medicine was the answer?
What happens if I die of cancer-of-the-everything like Jody at age 40? Will I look back on this decade of sacrifice, work, poverty, and all-encompassing career development and be happy with my choices?
I damn well better be.