Today was not so good.
In fact, I had a really really crappy day today. One of the worst I can remember in a long time.
It was not at work. No one spit at me, or swore at me. No co-worker made a snippy comment. No one died. No, I was just here, trying to study for the old mcat. But as previously posted there is some major upheaval in the clan of the Blackbear right now so it made studying attempts futile. I eventually gave up and lived in the blogosphere for a while with a trickle of drool coming down my chin.
Then I attempted to be productive by filling out applications for medical schools. I mean, it only takes half a brain to manually enter every class from the last 6 years of university into an online form. Which, any other day would have filled me with glee and excitement. Would have given me a charge, an oomph. I would have been proud of myself for taking a year off work, going back to school, going into debt, leaving my boyfriend, friends, family behind. I'd be patting myself on the back at how I stuck to my goals and now I have arrived in the place where I can finally start applying.
But it did none of those things.
Nope. It just gave me a great deal of self doubt. Suddenly my grades don't look so good, my volunteer work seems spotty, I never repeated that stats course that I did so poorly in...what was I thinking???
Ireland, Australia, Canada, USA, Caribbean...somewhere...anywhere...I really don't care. Just get me out of the land of The Great Unknown.
Maybe I ought to take up professional gambling...at this point it seems like more of a sure bet.