Today was not so good.
In fact, I had a really really crappy day today. One of the worst I can remember in a long time.
It was not at work. No one spit at me, or swore at me. No co-worker made a snippy comment. No one died. No, I was just here, trying to study for the old mcat. But as previously posted there is some major upheaval in the clan of the Blackbear right now so it made studying attempts futile. I eventually gave up and lived in the blogosphere for a while with a trickle of drool coming down my chin.
Then I attempted to be productive by filling out applications for medical schools. I mean, it only takes half a brain to manually enter every class from the last 6 years of university into an online form. Which, any other day would have filled me with glee and excitement. Would have given me a charge, an oomph. I would have been proud of myself for taking a year off work, going back to school, going into debt, leaving my boyfriend, friends, family behind. I'd be patting myself on the back at how I stuck to my goals and now I have arrived in the place where I can finally start applying.
But it did none of those things.
Nope. It just gave me a great deal of self doubt. Suddenly my grades don't look so good, my volunteer work seems spotty, I never repeated that stats course that I did so poorly in...what was I thinking???
Ireland, Australia, Canada, USA, Caribbean...somewhere...anywhere...I really don't care. Just get me out of the land of The Great Unknown.
Maybe I ought to take up professional gambling...at this point it seems like more of a sure bet.
5 comments:
There's a ton of self doubt that comes with this whole process...you get used to it eventually. When you're forced to look back over everything that you've done for the past 5-6 years in terms of grades and hours, there's a level of regret that you didn't work harder. Hindsight is 20/20 is the cliche.
Fortunately for most of us, there's a lot more to your application than just the numbers and hours spent volunteering...if that weren't true, I wouldn't be in medical school! You have a unique story that makes you who you are, you have the desire to get into medicine that was not forced upon you by your parents like half of the applicants, and importantly, you have an awareness of the sacrifice required to become and work as a physician. You're most of the way there!
Now you just need to get your stuff done as promptly as possible, do your best on the MCAT, and the interviews will come rolling in.
Caribbean!? I want to go to medical school there!
A career in gambling presupposes a familiarity with statistics.
Even Dostoyevsky did not do well at gambling, and he was no slouch when it came to brains.
It will pay off, eventually.
If only eventually didn't take so long.
BINY--yes it is true what you say about hindsight. But the funny thing is, I have NO idea how I could have done any better in those early days. I mean when I was 19 I thought that spending an hour in the library once every couple of days WAS working really hard. I just had no concept of what 'self discipline' actually meant. I sure hope the interviews start coming in! :) Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Benjamin--yes! The Caribbean! I know it seems too good to be true but it isn't. There are many many places to study in the sand and surf, just depends where you want to go...check out anatomyonthebeach.blogspot.com to see some photos of the really rough life of a med student over there.
Rogue--Rats. You just destroyed my dream of creating a super group of math geniuses that learn to count cards and beat blackjack in Vegas...oh wait...it's been done...back to the mcat books.
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